I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
