My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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