Having a random hookup so left but love u
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
