Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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