I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
