I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
