The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
