I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
