my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
