You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
