Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Alive.
So much puke
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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