She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
