why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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