then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
