we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
