i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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