he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize