so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When did we convert life to cartoon?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize