I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
