You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
