just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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