I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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