Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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