i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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