I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
