FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize