I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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