He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
