I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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