At least make sure they are 18
Why
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
