I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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