you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
