The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
