have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
