Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
