isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize