I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
