i just sent this text using only my big toe
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
