Sponge bath it is.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
