Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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