Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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