i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
