Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
did i walk over a car last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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