Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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