I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
