we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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