Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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