Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
