laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize