I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
