Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
