if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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