im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize