Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
