My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize