She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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