my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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