his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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