I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
