your parents love me but you hate me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
