so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
