i just wanna soil my oats bro
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize