I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
