and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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