My hand turned me down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
