he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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