How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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