I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
