At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
