i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
