you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize