so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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