then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
