what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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