it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
