yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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