so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
