just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
