Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
