I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
