After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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