i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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